Tell That To A Plant, How Dangerous Carbon Dioxide Is

‘Tell That To A Plant, How Dangerous Carbon Dioxide Is’ says gramatically-challenged presidential candidate and failed science experiment, Rick Santorum. What a fucking dolt. This is somebody that a plurality of republican voters want to sleep in the White House next to the big red button? The fact that he is a shameless religious panderer who wears his faith on his sleeve (in violation of his own biblical teachings) who wants to control women’s uteri is not silly enough…he really shows that he wants to move the US back to the iron age, a time when science equated sorcery.

I truly am concerned for the future of our country with the election after Obama’s second term with Palin or Bachmann running against an unknown democrat. Religious nutjob versus progressive compromiser.

Of course, we didn’t do too badly with the last unknown…

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8th day

In finding a metaphor to add to a recent post on cigars, I stumbled on a page describing the kabbalistic insanity surrounding circumcision, or “bris”. As I am not of the Jewish tradition (Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah!!), I was unaware of the ludicrous complexity of magic and woo to greet a newborn and usher it into the world.

My education is furthered now that I discovered that the “Bris” simply names the covenant set between the peoples of Israel and their god. (The page has it as G-d, but it could be Cr-p and it would be all the same to me.) So Jewish folk are COMMANDED to cut the tips of their boy children’s penises off in an act known as the “Milah”.

The section of the page titled “Bris Milah” further defines the bris to be performed “on the most physical part” (ha!) and that, “all of man is holy before his Creator”. Except, of course for the tip of the penis which is whacked off by an old man in front of an adoring crowd. Note that some practices require that the mohel suck the tip – remove the cut-off bit. Ahhhh, these jewish boys are getting a good start in life – being sucked off by an old man in a cloak. Could be worse. Could be a few years older and an alter boy.

Let's all look at this infant's penis!

Let's all look at this infant's penis and give it a good whack!

Boys can get their dicks whacked after eight days of life – but not before – since it takes eight days to transcend the physical (world) to the metaphysical. However – and the law is very clear here – should your tallywhacker be nipped before eight days have passed, then it’s all for naught. You sinner. You might as well be a christian.

This page further educates the reader that the role called the “sandak” is the person tasked with holding the baby down and is bestowed on a family or friend as a high honor. Yes, you can force a defenseless boy at a minimum of eight days to face his first pain and possible medical complications which may lead to death. What an honor. Perchance you may drink of his urine, too?

The amount of mysticism and magic on the short source page is amazing. Taken from an outsider’s point of view, the act of ritualistic shortening of male genitalia is gruesome and unnecessary. But, so is the religion.

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March 11, 2012 – Sunday Cigar

At the end of February, I ordered a sampler box of Nicaraguan Churchill cigars from JR Cigars. In the pack were hand-made smokes with names like Flor de Farach Francisco, José Martí Don Juan, La Finca Churchill, and Remedios Clemenceau. All of the cigars are 7 1/4 inches at 54 ring.

A long smoke in the best conditions.

Remedios

The cigars arrived to me a little worse for wear, but a few weeks in the humidor helped rehabilitate them to a smokable state. I also ordered a Cigar Mechanic which helped. For this Sunday’s smoke, I opted for the Remedios Clemenceau, a dark amber package with a wonderful pre-smoke aroma.

I snipped the end off like a mohel on the 8th day might, and fired the other end with my favorite windproof. The draws were a little loose but not cigarette-like – a bit tighter roll would have benefited this smoke. Otherwise, the flavor was not overwhelming, although not as rich as I had expected.

After a smoke – especially from a 7-inch cigar – I expect the flavor to invade my sinuses and greet me throughout the rest of the day. This smoke didn’t stay with me as much as, say a Hoyo might…its effect was more along the lines of a natural Macanudo. Still, at the online price of $4.75, it was a good smoke that doesn’t require that I break my son’s piggy bank. This is a moderately mild smoke with a fair smell. Rather than the “stinkers” your pop used to smoke, this one would probably be allowable at outdoor functions.

As a warning to other customers of JR Cigar (and as an alert to JR Cigar), note that there are two checkout pages: One protected (https://) and one not (http://). Be sure that you are on the first type. If you find yourself entering your credit card information on the unprotected http page, simply add the letter “s” where it makes the difference and go to that page. That worked for me…

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Carey Mulligan – Adorable

This post is not related to religion, atheism, politics, or anything else I promote here. Apologies if you are one of the handful of people who even know this site exists and expected some article where I attempt to provide scathing wit and offer hard-hitting analysis of folks who engage in hypocrisy the the detriment of others. I’ll try to be better in the future.

For now…

From IMDB

Carey Mulligan

I am smitten. SMITTEN, I tell you. But not in that creepy, stalker-y way. Ms. Mulligan is a real beauty, a fine actor, and I’m sure a great person. She is beautiful and precocious in the vein of Drew Barrymore or Liv Tyler, or further back, like Liz Taylor.

Here’s hoping that Ms. Mulligan has a long career, saved from drugs and other career-ending (or at least career-stalling) insanity. I have no idea what her personal views on religion are, but unless she is a fire-breathing fundie or exhibits/demonstrates irrationality in terms of the belief in one or more gods, then I will search out her various media projects and contribute to her fandom.

 

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The lying elephant in the room

I guess it should not surprise me any more. Politicians are well-known for lying, but mostly it’s half truths that can be easily excused or argued away. Little white lies that endear rather than embarrass.

Did it start with Clinton and Monica: the famous denials that led up to the acknowledgement and apologies after relentless hounding by like-minded senators? Or did it start farther back with Nixon and Watergate? Regardless, lies since Bill and Monica have gotten more brazen and more costly (think the Weapons of Mass Destruction and Yellowcake Uranium (and points East, west, south and north somewhat)).

Maybe the absurdly high number of republicans caught lying is because they are enjoying such a unique moment in the sun, what with the Tea Party coming to power and the early start to the republican nomination circus. Perhaps it was inevitable. Perhaps if the democrats had been the party out of power, they would have found ways to climb over the carcasses of failed candidates in an effort to reach the top like the Republicans have. Watching this pander-fest is interesting and disgusting at the same time – like vomiting in your mouth after eating an ice cream sandwich:

Jon Huntsman, Jr – This one is listed first, because he is the most disappointing. After appearing to be one of the saner (or least wacko – kind of like trying to be the fastest turtle) Republican candidates in the 2012 Presidential race, Huntsman seized an opportunity to pander by stating for the record that Scientists “owe us more in terms of a better description or explanation” on climate change before we decide whether climate change is real a scant few months after stating that he “trusts” scientists on Global Warming. More of the “We can’t trust scientists and the elite” argument. Pander much, Jon? Oh, that’s right, you are running for the Republican Nomination, so of course you do.

Herman Cain – “I did not have sex with that woman” (or was that Clinton?) It’s a good thing that the Democratic party has a lock on unfaithful politicians… And speaking of…

Newt Gingrich – Liar and complete and total waste of skin. Multiple philanderer, liar (I was just a well-paid historian for Freddie Mac), liar (Newt Gingrich made between $1.6 million and $1.8 million in consulting fees from two contracts with mortgage company Freddie Mac), hypocrite, and asshole.

Michelle Bachmann – Vaccines suck and they cause mental retardation. Liar. Stupid, dangerous liar. And her husband’s a hypocrite and liar.

Rick Perry – Liar.

Ron Paul – Truly a nutter, but the least offensive of the bunch. I refer you to the previously-used turtle analogy.

Mitt Romney – On which issues has he not pandered to the right and changed his stance? On nearly every important issue, including health care, the environment, and taxes. He’s truly a master of the lie.

Rick Santorum – ’nuff said.

I don’t think any of these candidates deserve to run for the highest office in the land. None of them are worthy to sit in the Oval Office, to entertain foreign dignitaries, or eat off of White House china. I certainly wouldn’t trust any of them to make the decision on whether to go to war and I especially don’t want them in proximity to the nuclear launch codes. Yes politicians lie, but this bunch make a habit of pandering while they lie, which amplifies the sin, showing how disingenuous and cynical they really are.

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The sick fucks at Irvine Emmanuel Lutheran

The sick fuckstick himself

The sick fuckstick himself - Paul Kim

Call me naive, but I thought the Lutherans were more like Garrison Keillor than Baptist fundies.

Here’s the story: Religious family tells kid that smoking is bad and to not do it. 15 year-old Kid buys a lighter (and potentially a pack of smokes). Family is outraged – outraged, I say – and decides to teach the kid a lesson. What they had in mind was more than evil. And they were cowards to boot.

Rather than punishing junior themselves, they went to their church, thought to be the Emanuel Lutheran Church in La Habra, California, to find someone who would punish their child for them. In place of them. Not them dishing out the punishment. Cowards. Evil, religious fucksticks.

When my old man caught me smoking one of his stogies at age 14, he made me smoke about five of ’em. I got so sick that I didn’t have another until well after I married. I have heard of other parents taking away X-Box privileges, or taking away a kid’s cell phone/ipod/generic portable music source. I have heard of someone becoming so incensed that they removed every bit of personal space from junior’s room – including the door to the room itself – to teach a lesson and bring the kid around to whatever lesson was being taught. I have even witnessed extreme brutality as the father of a friend of mine beat my friend until he bled with a switch that my friend was forced to cut for this very punishment. As punishments go, I think I have witnessed or seen most of them.

These flaming assholes, however, gave me another story to add to my arsenal. They actually dropped their kid off at the fellow church-goer’s house and gave him permission to beat their child. According to the Washington Post:

“Kim hit the child with a metal pole about a dozen times, causing severe bruising on his legs…” “The pole was about an inch in diameter, investigators said.”

A one-inch diameter metal pole will leave at least a one-half-inch welt in its wake. The pole itself will not give way like a switch or a belt would, but instead would deliver the capillary-breaking bruise deeper under the skin and through the fat and muscle. Given that this man was an adult and by the various stories written about this incident, he was skilled at this task, it is likely that the strokes were hard and painful – much harder than the boy’s father could deliver.

A metal pole at one-inch in diameter might be hard to imagine, so here are a few commonly used poles of that size:

Flag Pole – These poles are common in America, even in southern California.

Copper pipe used for bicycle frames or indoor plumbing.

These are not weapons or tools of evil in and of themselves. They are familiar in daily life and can be turned into instruments of torture by a twisted user. Just imagine what other common items this evil man has bastardized into service as Corporal Punishment man.

According to the information made available, Kim is charged with “suspicion of felony willful cruelty to a child” and according to the story in the LA Times, he was released on $100,000 bail. This is the section of the penal code that applies:

‘Willful cruelty or unjustifiable punishment of a child’ means a situation where any person willfully causes or permits any child to suffer, or inflicts thereon, unjustifiable physical pain or mental suffering, or having the care or custody of any child, willfully causes or permits the person or health of the child to be placed in a situation such that his or her person or health is endangered. – Cal. Penal Code § 11165.3

According to the JKR Law site, the punishment – if he is convicted – could be as little as 24 months or as many as 72 months in state prison. This means that he may serve only two years or be out in as few as 6 years – likely less.

And the parents go scott-free.

As does the church, which by the way, associates itself with the “Evangelical Lutheran Church in America“. To be fair, the ELCA does not promote this type of child abuse. This is from the January 2004 issue of Journal of Lutheran Ethics (JLE):

If we view children as made in the image of God, as fully human, and as orphans, neighbors, and strangers in need of compassion and justice, then we will treat all children, regardless of age, race, class, or gender, with more dignity and respect. We will no longer tolerate the abuse or harsh treatment of children, and we will warn against equating “discipline” with physical punishment.

I have no backstory on the teachings of this particular church, but suffice it to say that the bible is clear on disciplining your children. I just don’t remember seeing a section where Lott let someone else beat the shit out of his son.

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Cainwreck is OUTTA HERE

Posting to continue now that Herman Cain is no longer on the short list for the Republican nomination to the presidency. The only real threat to having a candidate who won’t use religion to bash the US is Michelle Bachmannnnnnn, and she’s one not-Romney who stands absolutely no chance to ascend to President in a general election.

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