In finding a metaphor to add to a recent post on cigars, I stumbled on a page describing the kabbalistic insanity surrounding circumcision, or “bris”. As I am not of the Jewish tradition (Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah!!), I was unaware of the ludicrous complexity of magic and woo to greet a newborn and usher it into the world.
My education is furthered now that I discovered that the “Bris” simply names the covenant set between the peoples of Israel and their god. (The page has it as G-d, but it could be Cr-p and it would be all the same to me.) So Jewish folk are COMMANDED to cut the tips of their boy children’s penises off in an act known as the “Milah”.
The section of the page titled “Bris Milah” further defines the bris to be performed “on the most physical part” (ha!) and that, “all of man is holy before his Creator”. Except, of course for the tip of the penis which is whacked off by an old man in front of an adoring crowd. Note that some practices require that the mohel suck the tip – remove the cut-off bit. Ahhhh, these jewish boys are getting a good start in life – being sucked off by an old man in a cloak. Could be worse. Could be a few years older and an alter boy.
Boys can get their dicks whacked after eight days of life – but not before – since it takes eight days to transcend the physical (world) to the metaphysical. However – and the law is very clear here – should your tallywhacker be nipped before eight days have passed, then it’s all for naught. You sinner. You might as well be a christian.
This page further educates the reader that the role called the “sandak” is the person tasked with holding the baby down and is bestowed on a family or friend as a high honor. Yes, you can force a defenseless boy at a minimum of eight days to face his first pain and possible medical complications which may lead to death. What an honor. Perchance you may drink of his urine, too?
The amount of mysticism and magic on the short source page is amazing. Taken from an outsider’s point of view, the act of ritualistic shortening of male genitalia is gruesome and unnecessary. But, so is the religion.