Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

It’s Easter, the day that commemorates the Xstian traditional, biblical story where Jesus becomes a zombie. A zombie, you ask, mockingly? Of course, I chortle, dismissingly.

After all, what is a Zombie?

Wikipedia describes a zombie as “either a fictional undead monster or a person in an entranced state believed to be controlled by a bokor or wizard.” Let’s break this description down, shall we?

“Either a”:

  • “fictional undead monster”: Many people, including many xstians, believe that the character Jesus in the bible was not real – a fictional account of the fulfillment of Jewish prophesy. Conversely, and somewhat ironically, there are some Jews who believe that the character Jesus was a real person and a fulfillment of the prophesy. So there is some weight to the “fictional” part of the definition. Moving on to “undead”, we see that there are many references to the dead character Jesus coming back to life and eating people’s brains.  Okay, maybe the brains part is not true. Or, maybe that was in the early scriptural fragments, but lost for all time… All four of the Apostle gospels (Matthew 27:27-28:8; Mark 15:16-16:19; Luke 23:26-24:35; and John 19:16-20:30) tell the tale (with differing details) of zombie Jesus. So we have satisfied “fictional” and “undead”. How about “monster”? The jews in the new testament surely believed Jesus to be a monster. Once the xstian church gained a foothold in the world and the Jews were relegated to slums and show business, their distaste and distrust in the proclaimed son of god was evident. That feeling couldn’t have been helped by the blood libel accusations levied by the early xstians and maintained over time by Sarah Palin and the other current adherers to the faith. So, I believe that the term “monster” is justified as well. There, “fictional undead monster” works out.
  • “person in an entranced state believed to be controlled by a bokor or wizard” I submit that the “wizard” reference can be “god” – god was controlling the torture and execution of his son and Jesus must have been in some sort of trance to willingly submit himself to the brutality described in the bible and brought to the big screen by Mel Gibson. So, this part of the definition is also correct.

In a few short paragraphs, I have shown that Jesus can fit the definition of a zombie as put forth by Wikipedia, the font of internet knowledge.

So Happy Zombie Jesus Day everybody!

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About 330M Administrator

Skeptic, Humanist, Freethinker, Atheist
This entry was posted in Politics, Religion, Stupidity and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

  1. pinky says:

    you suck you are so mean to our savior JESUS you have a big sin you shall confess!!!!!!!!!!! :(((((((

    • OK, Pinky. You win. I apolo…apolo…apolog…Bwaaahahahahaha! It ain’t happening. I have facts on my side, and you have…a feeling? Do yourself a favor. Rent the audio tape of Bart Ehrman’s “Jesus Interrupted” or “Misquoting Jesus” and listen to it. Your kind always accuses my kind of not opening our hearts. Listen and see if anything makes you question. That is the goal, by the way. It’s not to make you a nonbeliever, but to make you question like a good skeptic should.

  2. Jeff says:

    NOT COOL. Have some respect

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