It was coincidental. Absolutely not on purpose. No predetermination at all. I’m not a god, you see. But this was timely and it hit me as hard as it does Jeff Dee.
I recently finished listening to another hour of idiotic callers to “The Atheist Experience” from Matt Dillahunty and the other fine folks at the ACA in the beautiful Hill Country of Tejas. Frankly, the hero worship that goes on there makes it pretty hard to listen to sometimes, but for some reason, I muddled through this episode and was rewarded with a gem from a believer. Actually, the gem came from Jeff Dee.
Jeff, appropriately described as “the feistiest of the AE gang” tore into a caller about hell.
The place where, in the xstian mythos, souls are tormented until judgment day and then tormented after that. I’m not sure why judgment day is so special there, since the soul is tormented both before and after, but that’s what the dogma says. And I tire of demanding that dogma live up to my burden of proof. Let it have its own justification. It’s a lie anyway.
Jeff’s complaint was that xstians go from cold to hot with no breath between. They go from being nice and loving to “you are going to hell” (see description above). This 180 from believers is really an interesting characteristic of the particular strain of virus they have. It is a radical departure from the image of the love and forgiveness that is preached from the pulpit. When looking at all of the holey scriptures, I guess it does follow the madness that is the god of abraham – the cruel and vindictive god of the old testament, and the peaceful and loving god of the new.
So after I listened to Jeff verbally rape the caller with the long, wide, and knobby fist of reason, I completed my commute home with a satisfied smile on my face. I get virtual satisfaction from this show and their fair but firm treatment of the religious.
Thinking back on the episode that evening, I replayed the lecture in my head. Something extra was there. Something additional. Something…then I realized what he was attacking. It’s the same thing that drives me and caused me to move away from religion (and create this blog.)
Hypocrisy. Plain and simple. Those hypocritical bastards talk all sweets and sunshine until they learn something that conflicts with their faith. And then they imagine the worst punishment they can and wish it on the target of their scorn. You’d think we had run over their favorite cat. They don’t really believe in the smoke they blow up everybody’s collective asses. They know that it will earn them style points with their peers at church and with the Shallow Hal of a god they believe in.
It’s never: “I’m sorry that you feel that way. Would you like to hear why I choose to believe? If not, I’ll just go away. OK, have a great day!” Instead, it’s “God will cut your nuts off with a rusty butter knife and cram them down your throat because you didn’t blindly follow what everybody else is following, you scum sucking low-life.”…or something like that.
Wikipedia has this definition: “Hypocrisy is the state of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves the deception of others and is thus a kind of lie.” If religious folk actually believed in the “turn the other cheek” style of xstianity, then this vindictiveness would have no place in their discourse. And I wouldn’t have been late returning home.
The weekend after listening to the AW podcast, I found myself engaged in discussion with a random stranger in the parking lot of a Wal Mart. He said “Bless you” when I offered to take his buggy into the store so he didn’t have to return it.
We atheists roll that way.
When he made the blessing, I muttered something I shouldn’t have, since I had to get back home, (I had “Booty Duty #10” paused in my DVD player at home.)
We atheists roll that way.
I made some comment about how prayers and blessings are silly and that a simple “thank you” would have been sufficient. This 60-year-old man and I had ourselves a discussion on the blacktop, among the shiny metal buggies, between the yellow lines in the parking lot of a wal-mart in the deep south. Civility went out pretty quickly. He tossed out the Hell card and I channeled Jeff. Then I called him on his hypocrisy. I might have called him a liar. I’m not an accomplished debater, but I do know some pretty colorful names for “penis” which I screamed at him after he was five miles away and I was driving home with cool whip and jello (for the missus). The discussion ended soon after he reminded me again of the eternal torment that awaited me, then his elderly wife yelled for him to get in his car.
So this got me thinking. What’s the worst, most humiliating and painful torture that can be administered? What would that be like in a “Hell” type of environment, and how would the believer react if our roles were reversed? Let’s say that believers go to hell and we atheists just die and get eaten by worms. Place your ideas in the comments. I’ll start:
The old xstian “Bob” is in hell. Darwin (the administrator in hell) makes a slit just under Bob’s breasts and inserts five hungry badgers and then sews the incision closed with the badgers inside. Meanwhile, fifty fire ants are shoved into his urethra and anus. Videos of his only daughter are shown in a loop where she is having sex with Charlie Sheen. A moment or two before the badgers tear into his chest cavity and the ants eat and sting their way to his abdomen, all the foreign objects are removed, his wounds are healed and the torture starts over again.
Hell is a place for torment. Do me proud and bring your best stuff. Use the comments to show your best torture of Bob. Points subtracted for using any setup from the Saw movies.